My sister lost a friend today. We're not even 30 yet - losing friends is something that we shouldn't have to face at our age. It's heartbreaking and somehow seems unfair when a person has to leave this earth too soon - at least too soon in our eyes.
I'm not sure I ever actually met this friend - I heard about her lots and of course saw her & Jess interact on facebook - but I know she seemed to be very good & loyal to Jess - and that was all I needed to know. As I realized what had happened online today - I went over to her friend's facebook and saw the dreaded messages on her wall - "we miss you" "we love you" ... and it got worse - she was 31 weeks pregnant and baby didn't make it either - needless to say, the tears were flowing - all day I kept coming back to the thoughts of her and her tragic exit from this world - and I would sob (I think the babies & Landon thought I'd lost it). The thought of her breaks my heart. The thought of her family (a husband, and two boys, and many more I'm sure), broke my heart more. But, what seems the hardest is that Jess is an ocean away - pregnant herself, and having to deal with this loss. I want so badly to be there for her and hug her and let her tell stroies of her friend - or whatever she needs... but I'm here and she's there. I hope she knows I'm thinking of her and miss her terribly!
Funny how we couldn't get along while we lived in the same house and now I'd give up so much just to have her in a days distance from me... I so wish our little girls could be playmates and we could visit eachother more often... it seems when your only connection is FB, Phone, Skype - it's easier to say "I'll call tomorrow"... but I need to do better.
Things like this, they make you think of the people in your life. How quickly things can be snatched from your grasp. The thought of losing a child, spouse, parent - they kill me. Once in a while as I fall asleep I find myself in a thought pattern of loss - and find my self sitting up in bed thinking of anything else I can to get my mind off things I can't control. It's hard. I have a hard time sending my boys to their dad's house, it seems to get a little easier as they get older, but I still worry. They can't defend themselves or make choices in their situation sometimes - but I just have to have faith that God is watching over them and His plan is His plan - even if I hate it sometimes.
I'm trying to focus on my family - focus on cherishing them and not rushing through everything during the day. I've been blessed with such an amazing family - joy overflows from my heart when I think of them... I need to remember to stop and pay attention to the small things... you never know when they won't be there anymore.
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